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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24146926">someone i forgot to be</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruinmysleep/pseuds/ruinmysleep'>ruinmysleep</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Glee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, Graduation, It's Graduation, and she's got News!, because it's that time of year and mine was cancelled so i'm coping, canon through some point in s3, i am yet again projecting myself onto quinn fabray, im sure you can guess where this is going, quinn is a genius, quinn is valedictorian because i said so</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 18:54:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,842</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24146926</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruinmysleep/pseuds/ruinmysleep</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"This speech is her opportunity to lay it all out there. Leave her peers with the full truth about herself, leaving nothing to their imaginations. But, in order to do that, Quinn’s gonna have to find some courage. Fast."</p><p>or </p><p>Quinn is Valedictorian and has some important news to share in her speech.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rachel Berry/Quinn Fabray</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>176</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. i think there's something you should know</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>We are (still) in quarantine, and I don't get my graduation this year, so I wrote a graduation instead.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Quinn has always been aware of her intelligence.</p><p>As a kid, she didn’t have many friends, or any at all, so she sought solace in books. She read and read and read, escaping into fantasy worlds of talking animals, magic, wizards, adventures, anything and everything that took her out of her reality. That way, she didn’t need friends: her books were her friends.</p><p>Instead of telling her parents about her friends from school, Quinn, then Lucy, told her parents about the new books she was reading at the time. Her mom half-listened, offering remarks here and there between sips of wine, while her dad drowned her out and drowned himself in scotch, but it was enough for her. For Lucy. </p><p>By third grade, she was reading at a sixth grade level. Her teachers constantly struggled to find reading material for her that was at the appropriate level yet didn’t contain mature content, especially with the knowledge that her last name was Fabray. (The Fabrays were a significant benefactor of the private school that she attended, and they were not afraid to make their views known.) </p><p>With her advanced reading skills came a growing capacity (and love) for learning. In her later years of elementary and then middle school, she was a sponge for knowledge. She soaked up any and every piece of information she could, and she loved it. The kids at school called her names and teased her, her parents either didn’t notice or didn’t care, her sister, Frannie, shook her head fondly at her kid sister’s passion for learning, but her teachers loved her enthusiasm. And it was enough for Lucy.</p><p>When she moved and started high school, she was nervous. She had lost the glasses, acne, and baby fat, gone blonde, and gotten a nose job, but it was still high school. So she–Quinn, not Lucy–threw herself into her studies, joined the Cheerios and Celibacy Club as was expected of her, and that was that. As the years went on, her interests shifted, but she never lost her passion for learning, for knowledge. </p><p>All things considered, it came as no surprise to her that she would end up graduating as valedictorian. (She and Mike were neck and neck, but the B he had gotten in AP English junior year to her A was what edged her out.) Honestly, it has always been a secret dream of Quinn’s, a wish in the back of her mind that she’s never dared to say aloud. </p><p>Now, it’s her reality, and Quinn is conflicted. She’s happy, scared, thrilled, nervous, content, anxious. Because with being valedictorian comes giving the senior speech at her graduation ceremony.</p><p>William McKinley High School, Class of 2012, to be addressed by none other than Quinn Fabray. It’s almost funny, really. She’s sure there’s not a single person in the graduating class that doesn’t know who she is, but she’s not sure whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing. Quinn once said that a bad reputation is better than no reputation at all; she’s starting to reconsider.</p><p>Whether it is from being (former) head cheerleader, the pretty, popular girl who got knocked up sophomore year, the girl who dyed her hair pink and joined the Skanks at the beginning of senior year, or the girl who for God knows what reason joined the Glee club, everyone in her grade knows her. </p><p>Or at least they think they do. Because, despite what they may think, Quinn has depths to her that no one knows.</p><p>This speech is her opportunity to lay it all out there. Leave her peers with the full truth about herself, leaving nothing to their imaginations. But, in order to do that, Quinn’s gonna have to find some courage. Fast.</p><p>And probably tell some people first.</p>
<hr/><p>She talks to Santana first. They’ve had their ups and downs, but she truly is her best friend, and there’s no one that would better understand than her.</p><p>They’re sitting in Quinn’s car after Cheerios practice while Brittany is changing in the locker room. Quinn waited after school and offered to drive her and Brittany back to Quinn’s house, so they could hang out. </p><p>“You’re valedictorian?” Santana says. “Shit, Q, congrats. Knew your smart ass would do it.”</p><p>Then, Quinn <em> tells </em> her.</p><p>Santana’s eyes grow wide. Quinn bites her lip nervously and drops her gaze for a moment. When she looks back up, Santana’s eyes are glistening. She says nothing, just leans over the console and wraps Quinn in the tightest hug she’s ever felt from her. Quinn hugs her back, suddenly equally emotional. </p><p>She feels wetness on her neck and knows that Santana is crying. Quinn releases tears of her own, exhaling deeply into Santana’s shoulder.</p><p>She realizes that she’s never actually said the words out loud before.</p><p>Santana pulls away, wiping her eyes with her sleeve, and laughs a little bit. “Well that took you long enough.”</p><p>Quinn laughs through her tears.</p><p>She tells Brittany when she gets to the car, and Brittany gives her a knowing smile, tight hug, and tells Quinn that she’s proud of her.</p><p>It’s small, and, yet, somehow it’s everything she needs.</p><p>She talks to Sam next.</p><p>It’s a few days later. This time, she’s sitting on the bleachers during lunch. There’s a heavy breeze whipping around them, and Quinn keeps laughing at Sam's frustration as his hair gets messed up from the wind.</p><p>“Valedictorian?” Sam asks. “You nerd.”</p><p>He ruffles her hair, and Quinn shoves his hand away and smacks his chest with a grin on her face. Sam grins back, and Quinn knows he’s the best guy she’s ever met.</p><p>So she tells him.</p><p>His eyebrows raise, jaw dropping. He recovers quickly, wraps an arm around her shoulders, and tugs her into his side. She leans in, resting her head on his shoulder.</p><p>“Makes sense.” He says cheekily. “Does this mean we can talk about girls now?”</p><p>Quinn gasps. She almost smacks him again. Instead she just shakes her head into his shoulder and exhales deeply, letting herself relax in the comfort of his embrace.</p><p>It’s the third time she’s said it out loud, to someone, and it feels like it’s getting easier each time.</p><p>Sam raises his fist for a fist bump, and Quinn easily returns the gesture. She’s lucky to have such great friends, the luckiest girl in the world.</p><p>“I’m serious, Quinn.”</p><p>Then, she talks to Mercedes.</p><p>It’s the next day, and they are sitting on Quinn’s bed while her mom is cooking dinner for the three of them downstairs.</p><p>“Damn you and your smart ass.” Mercedes laughs. “That’s huge.”</p><p>They certainly aren’t as close as they were when they lived together, but Quinn trusts Mercedes with everything she has. </p><p>And that’s why she tells her, the fourth time she’s spoken the words out loud.</p><p>“Oh, wow.” Mercedes whispers. “I definitely should have seen that coming.”</p><p>Quinn furrows her eyebrows, and Mercedes explains, “Girl, you have no idea how often your pregnant, hormonal ass talked about Rachel. It was constant, and I chalked it up to the fact that you just really hated her, but even I knew that didn’t make sense.”</p><p>Blushing, Quinn just rolls her eyes. She explains her thoughts and plans for her speech, and Mercedes is genuinely taken aback.</p><p>Judy calls out that food is ready, and dinner that night is a relatively silent affair, The conversation stays mostly between Mercedes and her mom as Judy inquires about Mercedes’ plans for after high school.</p><p>After dinner, Quinn walks Mercedes to the door, and Mercedes eyes her knowingly. “Have you told her yet?”</p><p>Quinn’s expression says it all.</p><p>Finally, she talks to her mom.</p><p>They are sitting at the dining room table, two days after she told Mercedes, and Quinn is getting awful flashbacks to the last time she gave her parents important news about herself. This time, Russell isn’t here, and Judy is nearly two years sober, and Quinn has never been more content with her relationship with her mom. However, this conversation could very easily change that.</p><p>“Valedictorian? Quinnie, that’s incredible!” Judy praises. “Does that mean you’re going to be giving a speech?”</p><p><em> Yes</em>, she confirms.</p><p>“Do you know what you’re going to talk about?”</p><p><em> Yes, </em> she confirms again. Quinn takes a deep breath and observes the pride shining in her mom’s eyes. Her mom is proud of her. Her mom loves her.</p><p>Quinn tells her. It’s the fifth time she’s said the words, and it’s certainly the hardest.</p><p>Judy inhales sharply. “Oh, Quinnie.”</p><p>Quinn is as stoic as a rock. She won’t cry, especially if this turns out badly. But then Judy gets up, brings her daughter into a tight embrace, tells her she loves her, and the floodgates open up.</p><p>Quinn’s eyes swell up with moisture, and she cries into her mom, and Judy cries right back with her. They cry together, for the mistakes they’ve made, for the time they’ve lost, for the wedge that was driven between them that they’ve been trying to remove for the past two years. It has been hard work, the hardest, and they cry for that, too.</p><p>She can’t remember the last time she hugged her mom.</p><p>When they pull back, both of their faces are drenched with tears, and they laugh at each other for their dramatics. Judy tucks a strand of hair behind her daughter’s ear, looking into her hazel eyes that so perfectly resemble her own.</p><p>“I love you, Quinnie.” She says slowly, meaningfully. “And I am so proud to be your mother, and this doesn’t change anything.”</p><p>Quinn cries again, and her mom is there to wipe her tears, and, really, it’s all she’s ever wanted.</p>
<hr/><p>On the day of graduation, Quinn is freaking out a little bit.</p><p>Her speech is complete and ready to go (and has been for weeks). Words come easy to her. When she had her English teacher proofread her speech, she had no criticisms.</p><p>“It’s perfect. Really, Quinn, everyone is going to love it.” Mrs. Haverford told her. “And, you know, I know you’re set on studying drama at Yale, but please tell me you’ll be taking some writing courses too. You have too much talent to let that go to waste. Just some food for thought. Think about it, at least. For me.”</p><p>Quinn promised and thanked her for all she’d done for her.</p><p>Now, she’s here, waiting in line to walk into the gymnasium to officially graduate from high school and get out of this town.</p><p>But, first, Rachel apparently wants to talk to her. She walks up to Quinn, a bright grin on her face.</p><p>“How exciting is this?” Rachel asks, and her enthusiasm is almost contagious. Almost. Quinn is far too nervous to be excited right now.</p><p>“We’re graduating. It’s pretty exciting.” She replies.</p><p>Rachel looks at her for a moment. “Would you mind… This might sound stupid, but I was wondering if you, maybe, would want to take a picture with me?”</p><p>Quinn nods. “Of course, Rach.”</p><p>Rachel blushes and pulls her phone out from under her gown. She hands it to someone nearby and asks them to take the picture of the two of them.</p><p>Rachel comes to stand next to Quinn, and Quinn takes the initiative to wrap her arm around Rachel’s back. Her hand settles comfortably at her waist, just above her hip, and Rachel returns the gesture, her hand resting gently on Quinn’s back. They lean into each other, and Quinn can’t help but notice just how perfectly they fit together. She’s smiling at the camera, all too aware of how close they are and how their bodies are touching in so many ways, sending sparks through Quinn.</p><p>After what feels like ages, their pictures are finally done, and Rachel shows Quinn the results off of her phone. They’re perfect.</p><p>“Send those to me, please.” Quinn says. She already knows which one she’s gonna set as her new phone background. </p><p>“You know, Quinn,” Rachel begins, and Quinn’s heart speeds up nervously. “I really am so glad that we became friends. Our past has been… tumultuous, to say the least, but I’m so glad to call you my friend now. What I said at prom? I meant it.”</p><p>Ah, yes, prom. When Rachel told her that becoming her friend was one of her greatest accomplishments in all of high school, well, Quinn nearly fainted.</p><p>“I should be saying that to you, Rachel. If you hadn’t seen through me and forgiven me for treating you so horribly, we’d never be where we are today.” Quinn explains. “And I know that I’ll never be able to fully explain why I acted the way I did, but… I’m hoping that some of what I say today will explain some of it.”</p><p>Well, that certainly wasn’t what she was expecting to come out of her mouth. Bold, Fabray, bold.</p><p>“Right! Your speech! I can’t wait to hear it!” Rachel squeals giddily. “I’ll be sitting in the front row eagerly. Consider me your biggest fan today!”</p><p>“The front row?” She asks.</p><p>Rachel nods. “Yes! I was asked to sing the National Anthem. I’ll be sitting in the front with you, so it’s a quicker transition to when I go to perform. I think we might be able to sit next to each other, actually.”</p><p>“Oh, cool!”</p><p>Not cool. Not cool at all. Not only will Quinn be sitting directly next to Rachel while she’s trying to mentally prepare herself to give this speech, but she’ll also be seeing Rachel sitting directly in front of her while she’s giving the speech, <em> and </em> she’ll be returning to her seat directly next to Rachel when her speech is over. Rachel is going to be sitting right in front of her when she—</p><p>Nope, not cool. </p><p>“Are you nervous?” Rachel asks.</p><p>“Are you?” Quinn deflects.</p><p>“A little bit if I’m being honest.” She admits. “This performance really doesn’t hold much significance, but it may be the last time some of the people here ever see me.”</p><p>Quinn smiles. “Yeah, I get that. I want to leave a good lasting impression.”</p><p>“Exactly! But I know your speech will be great.” Rachel says confidently. “You’re going to be amazing, Quinn. You always are.”</p><p>“I hope so.”</p><p>Quinn gives her a tight-lipped smile. She hears the introductory fanfare blaring from the gym, signalling the start of the ceremony, and finds her spot back in line. Rachel takes her spot directly behind her, and Quinn can feel her gaze searing into the back of her head.</p><p>They walk into the gym, and Quinn immediately seeks out her mom and Sam in the bleachers. Her mom has the proudest grin on her face, a hand on her heart; Sam sits next to her, fist-pumping the air, before pointing at Rachel making obscene gestures. Quinn laughs and shakes her head. Her eyes fly over to Shelby and Beth, sitting just a few feet away. She walks past her English teacher who gives her a big thumb’s up.</p><p>Everyone important in her life is here today. Here to witness possibly one of the biggest risks Quinn will ever take in life. </p><p>She takes her seat and watches Rachel walk up to the front of the gym to sing the National Anthem. As she sings, Quinn falls for her all over again. Her confidence is mesmerizing. Her voice is angelic. She captures the attention of everyone in the room, and when she holds out that final note, the audience bursts into applause. Rachel curtsies awkwardly and comes to sit next to Quinn in the front row of the student body. </p><p>Quinn leans into her. “You were amazing, but I don’t think I need to tell you that.”</p><p>Rachel grabs her hand and squeezes it gently as a sign of thanks. Quinn squeezes back and turns her attention to Principal Figgins giving opening remarks. Rachel makes no move to let go of her hand, so Quinn doesn’t either. </p><p>Their hands stay clasped until Brittany, as senior class president, introduces Quinn as valedictorian and invites her up to the stage. She looks to Rachel, who offers her an encouraging smile and a last squeeze to her hand before she releases it.</p><p>Quinn stands shakily. Her legs carry her forward, up the steps to the stage, and then she’s standing in front of hundreds of people. Maybe even a thousand or two, she can’t really tell for sure. She looks down at the paper on the podium, covered top to bottom in words. Words that she wrote, that came from her brain and spilled all over the paper. Her heart, her soul, her words, bared for the world to see.</p><p>Looking out into the crowd, she locks eyes with Rachel, and her deep brown eyes anchor her. She can do this. All she has to do is read. </p><p>Quinn takes a deep breath and begins. “As I stand before you all, here, today, you’re probably all wondering which version of me you’re going to get today. For those of you that don’t know me, my name is Quinn Fabray, and I’ve reinvented myself more times in the past four years than our school has won football games. Which really isn’t saying much, but, believe me, it’s quite the feat to accomplish.”</p><p>She’s encouraged by quiet laughter from the audience, so she continues, “I’ve been a quiet girl, a mean girl, and a popular girl. I’ve been a cheerleader, the Celibacy Club president, the pregnant girl, a Glee club member, a Skank. I’ve cut and dyed my hair, twice, and, throughout all of this, I’ve still never really been able to find myself.”</p><p>She gestures out to the crowd in front of her. “And I’m sure we’ve all felt this, at one point or another. In fact, I know we all have. We are constantly striving to find ourselves. To find where our true passions lie, what our true desires in life are, who we want to be in the grand scheme of the world. So we try on different faces. We join different clubs, different sports, different activities. We try on different looks to see what fits, what makes us feel seen.”</p><p>“And there’s theories behind this, too. It’s the fifth stage in psychosocial development, according to psychologists. It’s called Identity versus Role Confusion, the idea that, desperate to find our true identity and sense of self, we try on different roles to see which one fits. The catch is that we could get stuck here.”</p><p>Quinn pauses. She looks into the sea of people sitting before her, the countless young adults who need to hear this the most. And she continues.</p><p>“If we don’t successfully find ourselves in this stage of life, we could get stuck here and never advance to the next stages. We could miss out on such wonderful things that are waiting for us: long lasting friendships, meaningful relationships. Memories, experiences, moments. Intimacy, both romantic and platonic. Love.” She says, looking everywhere but the front row. “But, there’s another catch: in order to get out of this stage, we have to take risks.”</p><p>“We have to take risks in order to find ourselves and then tell the world who we are, no matter how scary it may be. Deep down, we all have wishes, desires, secrets we’re too scared to admit to the world. It takes courage. It takes sacrifice. It takes guts to bare our souls for the world to see. But as we grow, as we progress from teenagers in high school to young adults battling the real world, we will be forced to learn to do this.”</p><p>“We will be forced to declare ourselves to the world. The real world, the one outside of high school that we have longed to live in for so long, is officially in front of us. And we’re going to need a hell of a lot of courage to get through it.”</p><p>Heart racing, Quinn lets out a shaky breath. She finds Santana nodding at her in the crowd. She sees Mercedes giving her a sly thumb’s up. She sees Sam’s boyish grin and her mom’s proud expression. She sees Rachel looking expectantly up at her.</p><p>“So, here, today, I want to let you all know the newest iteration of Quinn Fabray. Not because I want to make this all about me, but because I want to take this step in my journey, in hopes that it may give someone the courage to take a step in their journey as well.”</p><p>Quinn pauses. She thinks of the future ahead of her, and the people in front of her, and knows that she’s making the right decision. </p><p>She sees Rachel, and she knows she can do this.</p><p>So she tells them.</p><p>“I’m Quinn Fabray, I’m eighteen, I will be attending Yale in the fall,” She states proudly, “And I’m gay.”</p><p>The room goes silent. Her declaration hangs in the air, heavy, like a blanket draped over the entire gymnasium. She can’t bear to look anywhere else except directly at Santana, and the girl nods at her to go on, so she does. </p><p>“This is something I’ve struggled with throughout my journey to find my own identity, and, frankly, I’m very nervous right now to have admitted that.” Quinn reveals. “But I took that risk, and I hope something I’ve said today has resonated with you and inspired you to do the same. The risks we take in finding ourselves and baring ourselves to the world can often be the scariest, yet most rewarding, actions we ever take. I hope that maybe, someday soon, you all will find your final evolution, your final version of yourself, the one that you are the proudest of and most confident in, and I hope that you’ll have the courage to share it with the world. I know I have, and, already, it has been rewarding. Thank you, McKinley High Class of 2012, and, well, we did it. Congratulations.”</p><p>It’s silent for a moment. Quinn finally tears her eyes away from Santana’s to look around the room. Suddenly, the crowds roar with applause. Thunderous claps and cheers fill the room, and, slowly, people rise to their feet. </p><p>A standing ovation. Rachel would be so jealous. </p><p>But Quinn just smiles. </p><p>It’s the sixth time she’s said it, out loud, this time in front of a huge crowd of people. And she stands up straighter, holds her head high, and feels the weight fall from her shoulders. </p><p>She exhales, and nothing has ever felt better.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Pt. 2 (Rachel's POV) coming soon!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. i think it's time i told you so</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rachel couldn’t be more excited to graduate. Granted, she is nervous too, but mostly excited.</p><p>The past four years have been a whirlwind, to say the least. Friends made, friends lost. Relationships made, relationships lost. Experiences, events, emotions, all so fleeting in the moment, but now priceless when looking back on them. She’s sad to see it end, but she’s too excited for the future to dwell on any lingering feelings of sadness or regret.</p><p>Well, except one.</p><p>It’s not that she regrets being Quinn’s friend, quite the contrary: she regrets not becoming her friend <em> sooner </em>.</p><p>Quinn Fabray, as it turns it, is a wonderful person to be friends with. She’s funny, charming, witty, empathetic, considerate; the list goes on and on. After Rachel took Quinn’s advice and turned down Finn’s proposal, she started growing close to the blonde, closer than she ever imagined she would.</p><p>They ate lunch together, and Quinn would help Rachel prepare for her NYADA audition (which she nailed and subsequently got accepted into the esteemed school, thank you very much). They hung out after school, helping each other with homework in their shared classes. They spent time together on the weekends, in between classes, before classes, during Glee, all of it. They even went to prom together, as friends, after Rachel broke up with Finn when she realized their futures were not headed in the same direction. </p><p>They are now friends, in every sense of the word. And Rachel still can’t believe it sometimes. Especially now, as she walks up to Quinn at graduation, hoping to convince her into taking a picture together. </p><p>“How exciting is this?” Rachel asks her, unable to hide her genuine emotions. She’s thrilled, perhaps overly thrilled, to be graduating. She just can’t wait to start her future, the one she has been looking forward to since she could form thoughts beyond that of food and sleep. </p><p>It’s always been that way for her: food, sleep, Broadway. If the Berry family motto hadn’t been “Honesty, Respect, Dance” from the moment she was born, Rachel knows her dads would have adopted this alternative motto fairly quickly. </p><p>Convincing Quinn to take a picture with her is easier than she thought it would be, and Rachel smiles in content when Quinn instantly (easily) wraps her arm around Rachel’s back. </p><p>She likes being close to Quinn. Not just emotionally, but also physically. Once you get past her walls–of which there are many, all tall and strong–Quinn is actually a very affectionate person. Not so much in public, but when they are in private, she loves to give hugs, hold hands, sit close. And Rachel relishes the feeling every time. She knows how lucky she is to get to be this close to Quinn Fabray, the girl infamously called the Ice Queen by half of their school. She knows she’s lucky to be getting to know this girl, and she never takes it for granted.</p><p>When Rachel sees the pictures of them on her phone, she makes a mental note to set her favorite one as her background immediately following the ceremony today.</p><p>She tells Quinn that she’s glad they became friends, and when Quinn mentions her speech, Rachel can’t help her excitement. “Right! Your speech! I can’t wait to hear it! I’ll be sitting in the front row eagerly. Consider me your biggest fan today!”</p><p>She knows all about Quinn’s intelligence and her penchant for words. For years, Quinn would sit in the back row in Glee, reading instead of listening to Mr. Schue. A couple months ago, after she got into Yale, Quinn let Rachel read her personal statement that she used in her applications, and Rachel was blown away. It was a journey through her sophomore year, detailing the events with her family and Beth while keeping up with her school work and extracurriculars, all wrapped up into just 650 words. Rachel isn’t a writer, not by any means, but even she knows that Quinn truly has a gift. </p><p>Which is why she knows that, whatever Quinn has planned for her speech, she knows it’s going to be great. “You’re going to be amazing, Quinn.” Rachel promises, simply because it is the truth. “You always are.”</p><p>The processional music begins, and Rachel falls into line behind her. They proceed to the front of the gym, Rachel walking all the way up to the makeshift stage. She performs (read: absolutely crushes) the Star-Spangled Banner; the applause that follows serves as a welcome reminder that this is exactly what she is meant to do. </p><p>When she sits down in her seat, Quinn leans over and tells her she was amazing. Rachel takes her hand and squeezes it, and the contact sends a familiar warmth up her arm, spreading through her entire body. They keep holding hands as the ceremony begins. Quinn’s thumb rubs gentle circles over the back of Rachel’s hand, so gentle that she’s not even sure Quinn’s aware that she’s doing it. Regardless, Rachel revels in the feeling of Quinn’s casual affection. When Quinn is announced as valedictorian and invited to the stage, Rachel squeezes her hand and smiles, mildly upset that she has to let go of her hand.</p><p>Her distress is quickly replaced with enthusiasm as Quinn ascends the steps onto the stage. She looks nervous, her hands shaking on the podium, and Rachel’s heart clenches. Then, Quinn makes eye contact with her, and Rachel does her best to send every positive emotion she can muster up through her gaze. Seemingly satisfied, Quinn takes a breath and begins speaking. </p><p>Rachel laughs at her intro, in awe of Quinn’s sudden confidence once she starts speaking. She captures the attention of everyone in the room, and Rachel can’t bear to look away, not even for a second. Her eyes stay glued to Quinn, her ears listening intently, straining to hear every last sentence, word, inflection to fall from Quinn’s lips. </p><p>As Quinn talks about her personal struggles with her identity, Rachel’s heart aches for her. As Quinn talks about the psychology of it all, Rachel marvels at her never-ending capacity for knowledge. As Quinn talks about missing out on future experiences, Rachel begins to wonder how personal this is for her, how much she has worried she wouldn’t find herself in time and miss out on <em> life </em>, and Rachel’s heart aches even more.</p><p>When Quinn utters the word, “Love” in that tone, chills run down Rachel’s spine. </p><p>Rachel’s eyes tear up as Quinn says, “We have to take risks in order to find ourselves and then tell the world who we are, no matter how scary it may be.”</p><p>She knows all too well the different façades Quinn has put on throughout high school, mostly because Rachel has been there through all of them. She met the quiet, blonde-haired girl in her English class freshman year. She suffered at the hands of mean girl, cheerleader Quinn for the latter half of freshman year and beginning of sophomore year. She watched Quinn go from Cheerio captain to pregnant, Glee club member to popular girl to Skank to the current version of herself. In Rachel’s opinion, this current version is closest to the real Quinn (and it’s her favorite).</p><p>“The real world, the one outside of high school that we have longed to live in for so long, is officially in front of us,” Quinn proclaims, “And we’re going to need a hell of a lot of courage to get through it.”</p><p>She announces that she’s going to let them all know the “newest iteration of Quinn Fabray,” and Rachel wonders where this is heading. Is this leading towards a joke? A punchline to some set-up that Rachel missed?</p><p><em> Impossible </em> , she thinks. <em> I’ve heard every word she has said. </em></p><p>Is she telling them about her future plans? Her career choice? Is she legally changing her name to Quinn? Is she going to talk about Lucy?</p><p>Countless questions run through Rachel’s head, but what comes out of Quinn’s mouth is nothing she could have predicted.</p><p>“I’m Quinn Fabray,” she says, “I’m eighteen, I will be attending Yale in the fall, and I’m gay.”</p><p>Rachel gasps. Loudly. Probably too loudly.</p><p>Quinn… is gay?</p><p><em> Deep down, we all have wishes, desires, secrets we’re too scared to admit to the world, </em> Quinn’s words ring in her ears. <em> It takes courage. It takes sacrifice. It takes guts to bare our souls for the world to see. </em></p><p>
  <em> I want to take this step in my journey, in hopes that it may give someone the courage to take a step in their journey as well. </em>
</p><p>Rachel lets out a shaky breath, her mind spinning. Her eyes dig into Quinn, who is standing there, hands trembling, eyes focused somewhere in the crowd.</p><p>Quinn is gay. Quinn just came out. In her graduation speech. In front of the entire school. And Rachel couldn’t be prouder of her. Obviously, her mind is still racing with thoughts and questions, but, for Barbra’s sake, Quinn just did that! </p><p>Rachel stares at her as she wraps up her speech, and all she wants to do is run up there and hug the living daylights out of her. Thankfully, she just manages to restrain herself.</p><p>Quinn smiles brightly as she says, “I hope that maybe, someday soon, you all will find your final evolution, your final version of yourself, the one that you are the proudest of and most confident in, and I hope that you’ll have the courage to share it with the world. I know I have, and, already, it has been rewarding.”</p><p>Rachel is so proud of her. Once Quinn says congratulations and it’s clear that she is done speaking, Rachel can’t stop herself from immediately cheering and applauding for her. Everyone in the room quickly follows suit, sounds of cheering and clapping echoing off of the walls. Rachel is the first to stand up; she can’t help herself. Gradually, the entire audience stands up, and Quinn is getting a standing ovation.</p><p>Rachel couldn’t be prouder.</p><p>Quinn does an awkward, little half-bow, descends the steps from the stage, and returns to her seat next to Rachel. She doesn’t look at her, instead running her hands up and down her thighs, nails digging in a bit. Rachel instantly grabs her hands to stop them. Quinn glances up at her and bites her lip nervously. Rachel squeezes her hands and gives her the most reassuring smile that she possibly can.</p><p>“You were amazing, Quinn.” She whispers reverently, hoping Quinn knows just how much she means it. “Absolutely incredible. I’m so proud of you.”</p><p>Quinn’s eyes fill with tears, and she inhales shakily, turning her head forward. Rachel lets go of one of her hands but keeps her hold on the one closest to her. Quinn grasps her hand tightly and pulls it into her own lap, and Rachel is helpless to do anything but let her. She leans closer to Quinn as to not strain her arm and returns her attention to the front of the gym. </p><p>If this is what Quinn needs from her right now, Rachel can absolutely give it to her.</p><hr/><p>Before Rachel knows it, she’s walking down the stage, diploma in hand. </p><p>She did it. She graduated. She survived high school.</p><p>And Quinn’s gay.</p><p>She knows it shouldn’t be weighing on her mind as much as it is, but she can’t help it. </p><p>Rachel supports her, <em> obviously </em>. It’s not that, not in the slightest. It isn’t that Quinn didn’t tell her sooner; it’s her choice who she wants to tell and when she wants to tell them. And it isn’t even that she’s surprised. Because while she certainly is shocked, she knows that’s not why it’s hitting her so hard.</p><p>So why can’t she stop thinking about it?</p><p>Rachel hears Quinn’s name get called. <em> Lucy Quinn Fabray </em>, they say. She sees Quinn’s initial grimace at her full name followed by her dazzling smile as she takes her diploma and shakes Principal Figgins’ hand. She struts down the ramp of the makeshift stage, all smiles and exuding confidence like Rachel has never seen. </p><p>Already, Rachel can see the weight lifted off of her shoulders. It is like she’s seeing Quinn for the first time, a new Quinn, and, wow. She’s stunning.</p><p>Quinn makes it to her seat, eyeing Rachel curiously. “What?”</p><p>Eyes gleaming with admiration, Rachel just keeps looking at her. Quinn shakes her head at her, and Rachel chuckles. “I’m just really happy, that’s all.”</p><p>Quinn meets her eyes. “I’m really happy, too.”</p><p>The rest of the ceremony flies by with her mind still racing with thoughts about Quinn’s speech while said girl is sitting directly next to her. She’s thinking about <em> How long has Quinn known? </em> and <em> Did she have anyone she felt comfortable confiding in? </em> and <em> What does her family think? </em>She’s thinking about when Quinn said that she hoped her speech would hopefully help explain some of the reason she treated Rachel the way she did, and what does that even mean?</p><p>The next thing Rachel knows, she’s being smothered in a tight hug by her dads. She’s in the school cafeteria, having just left the gym, and somehow she’s lost sight of Quinn. </p><p>Rachel relishes in the feeling of her dads’ embrace before she says, “Okay, okay, I need to breathe!”</p><p>They step back, each still leaving a hand perched on her shoulder. Her dad, Hiram, presses a kiss to the top of her head. “We’re just so proud of you, Rachel. Aren’t we, Leroy?”</p><p>Leroy agrees, “So proud of our baby girl. You did it, Rachel.” His eyes shine with adoration, and Rachel can’t help but hug them again. </p><p>“What did you guys think of Quinn’s speech?” Rachel asks before she can stop herself.</p><p>Her dads exchange a glance that Rachel doesn’t quite understand. Hiram simply says, “It was very brave of her to do that in front of everyone. I hope she’s feeling alright right now.”</p><p>Rachel mentally slaps herself. Of course! She didn’t even think to ask Quinn how she was feeling since she had been so caught up in her own head. She spins around, eyes seeking out Quinn in the masses of people around her. </p><p>“Go,” Leroy tells her. Confused, Rachel turns to look at him. “Go find her. Let us know how she’s doing.”</p><p>He gives her a wink, and Rachel takes it for what it is. She walks off and weaves through the crowds, eyes and ears alert for any sight or sound of Quinn. Just as she’s about to turn back around and accept defeat, Rachel hears her laugh, and she spins her head to the left and spots her. </p><p>She’s standing with her mom, Sam, and Mercedes, laughing freely, looking more content than Rachel has ever seen her. At first, she considers going back to her dads, not wanting to interrupt, but instead she heads towards them. She can’t leave here today without making sure Quinn’s okay and telling her (again) how proud she is of her. </p><p>As Rachel approaches them, Judy notices her first and gives her a kind smile. Mercedes sees her next, then Sam, and they both gesture for her to join them. Finally, Quinn turns her head to see what they’re all looking at, meeting Rachel’s eyes as she comes to a stop right next to her. A nervous expression washes over her face, a stark contrast from her previous elated one, and Rachel suddenly worries that her presence isn’t welcome. </p><p>“Rach, hey.” Quinn breathes out.</p><p>Rachel looks at everyone else, but they are all watching the interaction between her and Quinn. She simply replies, “Hi.”</p><p>It’s silent for a beat, and Mercedes speaks before anyone else can. “Congrats, girl. You killed that National Anthem.”</p><p>Judy chimes in. “I’ll second that. Rachel, you sounded amazing. Quinn’s always talked about how talented you are, but it’s always refreshing to see it in person.”</p><p>Rachel glances at Quinn, whose cheeks turn bright red, and she responds politely. “Thank you, both. And congratulations to you two as well.”</p><p>“Wasn’t Quinn’s speech awesome?” Sam asks.</p><p>Rachel nods in agreement. “It was incredible. She’s incredible.”</p><p>Sam folds his arms against his chest. “I keep telling her how funny it would’ve been if she changed the line about your ‘final evolution’ to your ‘final eevee-lution,’ but she’s not having it.”</p><p>Rachel quirks an eyebrow. “I think there’s a reference here that I’m missing.”</p><p>Sam and Mercedes laugh, and Quinn just shakes her head. “It’s from Pokémon, and why are you all talking about me as if I’m not standing right here?”</p><p>“Because you’ve been silent ever since Rachel walked over here.” Mercedes points out.</p><p>Quinn blushes again, brushes some hair out of her face, and turns to face Rachel. “Hi, again.”</p><p>“Hi, again.” Rachel giggles. “I was hoping I could steal you for a minute if that’s alright?” </p><p>Quinn glances around. Judy gives her an encouraging look, Mercedes shooes her away, and Sam winks, ruffles her hair, and shoves her towards Rachel. Quinn groans half-heartedly and looks back to her. “I guess we’re good.”</p><p>Rachel grins, grabbing Quinn’s wrist and pulling her through the crowds. Quinn follows easily behind her as Rachel weaves between people and leads her into the bathroom. <em> Their </em> bathroom, if she’s being bold, which, when isn’t she?</p><p>She comes to a stop, closing the door behind them, and lets go of Quinn’s wrist. Quinn eyes her curiously. “Rachel, what—”</p><p>Swiftly, Rachel pulls Quinn into a hug. A tight one, at that. She wraps her arms tightly around Quinn’s neck and feels Quinn’s arms come to wrap around her back. She feels safe, secure, in Quinn’s arms, and she can only hope Quinn feels the same way.</p><p>“I’m so proud of you, Quinn.” Rachel murmurs. She feels Quinn sink into the hug a little more, leaning her head down and burying it in Rachel’s shoulder. “So proud.”</p><p>“Thank you.” Quinn mumbles back.</p><p>Quinn pulls away, and Rachel (begrudgingly) lets go of her. Rachel watches her attempt to sneakily wipe a few tears away from her eyes. Oddly reminiscent of their junior year prom, Rachel decides to grab a paper towel, run it under some water, and hand it to Quinn. Thanking her, Quinn takes it and dabs under her eyes.</p><p>“Are you okay?” Rachel asks. “I-I just wanted to check and make sure you are doing alright after what you did today. Which was very brave of you, I should tell you. My dads thought it was so brave of you to do that. And I do too, of course, which is why I want to ensure that you are feeling well after—“</p><p>Quinn interrupts her rambling, “I’m okay, Rachel. I’m… happy. I’m really happy.”</p><p>Her face lights up with a grin and a content expression; Rachel’s heart warms up at the sight of it. Just knowing how relieved Quinn must feel right now is everything to her. </p><p>“I’m so glad you’re so happy, Quinn. You deserve it.” Rachel says honestly, and she means it. No one deserves this feeling of happiness more than her. No one. </p><p>“Thanks, Rach.”</p><p>Rachel observes her for a beat, just watching. Admiring. Quinn’s so elegant, so stunning, even as she just stands there, touching up her makeup in the mirror. </p><p>
  <em> I know that I’ll never be able to fully explain why I acted the way I did, but I’m hoping that some of what I say today will explain some of it. </em>
</p><p>Rachel’s mouth opens before she can process what she’s saying. “Can I ask you a question?”</p><p>Quinn turns around, leaning back against the sinks. “Sure.”</p><p>“Earlier today, you said that your speech would explain why you acted the way you used to?” Rachel blurts out nervously, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “I was just wondering what exactly you meant by that.”</p><p>Quinn sucks in her breath. She runs a shaky hand through her hair. “Rach… I—”</p><p>Rachel is quick to assure her, “No, it’s okay! You don’t have to explain. I was just curious, but you definitely don’t have to explain, I promise.”</p><p>Quinn’s visibly nervous now, and Rachel instantly regrets asking. She feels bad as she watches Quinn wring her hands in front of herself. She’s about to reassure her that she really doesn’t have to say anything when Quinn starts talking.</p><p>“I was very repressed for a long time. Like, a <em> really </em> long time.” Quinn emphasizes, and Rachel hangs onto her every word. “And I took it out on the easiest target. Which was you, at the time. But I also was targeting you for another reason. I… I didn’t like how you made me feel.”</p><p>Rachel’s confused. “Because I had two dads?”</p><p>“No,” Quinn shakes her head, and Rachel is even more confused. “How you made me feel... on the inside.”</p><p><em> On the inside? </em> Rachel thinks. <em> What does she mean by on the insi— </em></p><p>Oh.</p><p>Rachel’s eyes shoot up to seek out Quinn’s, but Quinn immediately drops her gaze to the floor. </p><p>
  <em> Oh. </em>
</p><p>“Oh.” Rachel breathes out. Quinn’s eyes remain fixed to the floor.</p><p>Quinn… She…</p><p>Rachel can’t believe it.</p><p>She hears a sigh and sees Quinn glance up at her for just a moment. Their eyes meet, and, suddenly, Rachel understands. She sees the truth in those eyes shining through, the truth that she was blind to for so long. All of the names, insults, bullying were because Quinn… because she...</p><p>“I was trying to fit into this role of perfect, straight, popular cheerleader girl and, here you were, making me feel things that made me question everything I knew. So I took it out on you. I called you masculine insults in an attempt to rationalize my feelings for you. I targeted you over and over, hoping it would lessen what I was feeling inside.” Quinn’s eyes shoot back up to look at Rachel. “And I’m so sorry for that, and there’s nothing I could ever do or say to make it up to you, but that’s why.”</p><p>Rachel’s mind is spinning with all of this new information. “Do you… do you still feel that way?”</p><p>Quinn chuckles dryly. “Feel like calling you names to avoid my huge crush on you?”</p><p>Rachel’s insides flip around at the words coming so easily out of her mouth. <em> Crush. Feelings </em>. This is real, she’s starting to realize, and she can’t figure out how she feels about it.</p><p>“Not the first part,” Rachel clarifies, “But maybe the second part?”</p><p>Quinn grins sheepishly. “A little part of me probably always will, yeah.” She pauses and takes a step forward, away from the sinks. “I’ll see you soon, Rachel. Thanks for everything.”</p><p>She walks out of the bathroom, door slamming shut behind her, leaving Rachel completely alone in the presence of her racing thoughts.</p><hr/><p>Two weeks later, Rachel is sure of three things:</p><p>1. Quinn is gay.</p><p>2. Quinn had–still has?–feelings for her.</p><p>3. Rachel has feelings for her too.</p><p>Well, actually, she’s <em> almost </em> sure of that last one. </p><p>Rachel has never consciously labelled her sexuality, but she’s also never found herself needing to. Up until this point, she’s never thought about another girl in a romantic sense. But with Quinn’s revelation and Rachel’s borderline obsession with her for the past three years, she really doesn’t have any other way to explain this.</p><p>She’s never had many close female friendships. Or any at all. Quinn is probably her first genuinely close female friend. And, well, Rachel thought what she has been feeling is normal. How was she supposed to know that it’s not normal to think about your best friend all of the time, to always want to be around her, to love the feeling of her body pressed against yours or the feeling of her hand in yours, to be glad that you finally broke up with your boyfriend because it meant you could spend more time with your best friend?</p><p>Hindsight’s 20/20 and all of that. Now that she’s seeing a little bit more clearly, Rachel is determined to figure out this thing with Quinn, and that starts today. </p><p>She’s at Brittany’s house for a pool party for the Glee club. Rachel walks directly to the backyard, through the gate, and grins when she sees everyone lounging around. </p><p>“Rachel!” Brittany calls. She runs over, clad in just a bikini top and bottoms, and pulls her into a quick hug. </p><p>Brittany leads her over to the deck where everyone is sitting around in various states of undress. Her eyes immediately fall to Quinn, who is rubbing sunscreen on Sam’s back, much to his apparent chagrin. Seemingly satisfied, Quinn rubs the remainder of the sunscreen on his shoulders and shoves him away. He gets up and plunges straight into the pool, sending water splashing up at Quinn. Mike jumps in right after him, and more water splashes out and hits Quinn, as well as Mercedes and Santana. They all shout complaints, and Rachel watches with a smile on her face.</p><p>Then, Quinn notices Rachel standing there, and her look of annoyance shifts into one of endearment. Rachel makes her way around, greeting everyone, before getting to Quinn and taking the seat that Sam had been sitting in.</p><p>“Hey,” Quinn says casually, despite her fidgeting hands.</p><p>Rachel places a hand over hers. “Hi.”</p><p>Quinn looks down to their hands, then looks back up at Rachel and raises an eyebrow. Quinn opens her mouth to say something, but Rachel speaks before she can. “Can we go somewhere to talk?”</p><p>“I–Yeah, sure.” Quinn replies, glancing around at everyone around them.</p><p>No one seems to be paying them much attention, more focused on Sam and Mike’s splash fight in the pool, and Rachel is so glad for it. She grabs Quinn’s hand, pulls her up from her seat, and leads her inside the house. Once they’re inside, Rachel stops, realizing she has no idea where to go in Brittany’s house. Sensing her hesitation, Quinn leads them to a nearby staircase, up the stairs, and into a room that seems to be Brittany’s bedroom. Quinn closes the door behind them and moves to sit on the bed, looking up at Rachel expectantly.</p><p>Rachel envies her composure.</p><p>“What’s up?” Quinn asks easily.</p><p>“I…” Rachel trails off. Where does she even begin? “I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said at graduation. What you told me at graduation.”</p><p>Quinn exhales deeply and drops her gaze to the floor. “Rachel, I… Look, it really doesn’t have to mean anything. I just–You asked, so I told you the truth. I thought you deserved that, especially after everything I’ve put you through, but I promise we can just leave it at that. It doesn’t have to mean anything.”</p><p>Rachel steps closer to her, drawing Quinn’s eyes up to meet hers. “That’s the thing, though. What if… What if I want it to mean something?”</p><p>Rachel watches a whirlwind of emotions float through Quinn’s eyes. “You–You, what?”</p><p>She takes another step closer to Quinn, still sitting on the bed, legs dangling in front of her. Quinn’s looking up at her, looking more innocent and hopeful than Rachel has ever seen her. She takes Rachel’s breath away, and Rachel knows that this is real.</p><p>“I like you, Quinn.” Rachel says, and Quinn’s eyes widen. “I kept thinking about you coming out, and then you told me that you used to like me, and I couldn’t figure out why it kept sticking in my mind. And then I thought about our friendship and how I always look forward to seeing you and how I wasn’t even that upset to break up with Finn because it meant I got to spend more time with you, and I realized that I just have a huge crush on you. So, yeah, I like you.”</p><p>Quinn is silent, so Rachel keeps talking. “I know you said you used to have feelings for me, too, but then you also said that you might still feel that way, so, I don’t know, I’m just rambling at this point, but I guess what I’m trying to say is that I would love a chance to explore this, whatever this is between us, if you’re still interested.”</p><p>Quinn says nothing, just stands up and steps toward Rachel. She meets her gaze, and Rachel loses herself in hazel eyes. There’s a moment where Rachel thinks Quinn’s about to reject her, to say she’s moved on, but then Quinn does the opposite.</p><p>She kisses her.</p><p>Rachel closes her eyes on impact and loses herself in the feeling of Quinn’s lips pressing against her own. It’s brief, too brief, but it’s enough to reconfirm her feelings. She’s definitely into Quinn.</p><p>And Quinn’s definitely into her, if the awed expression on her face is any indication. Still, she needs the confirmation, so when Quinn just grins and whispers, “I’m interested,” Rachel can’t stop herself from kissing her again.</p><p>It’s just as good the second time, her lips sliding between Quinn’s, but Quinn pulls away just as quickly as the first time, pressing a light peck to her lips. Rachel frowns, and Quinn giggles at her.</p><p>“Come on,” She says, grabbing Rachel’s hand and tangling their fingers together. “Our friends are all outside. We can talk more later and… do more of this later.”</p><p>Quinn pecks her once more, lingering for a moment, before she leans back and leads Rachel out of the room. Rachel is helpless to do anything but follow her out of the room, down the stairs, and back outside to where their friends are still distracted by Sam and Mike in the pool. Then, Quinn locks eyes with Rachel and, without breaking eye contact, takes her shirt and shorts off, revealing a red bikini top and matching bottoms underneath.</p><p>Sweet Barbra, all of that skin. Rachel tries so hard to keep her gaze on her face, but she can’t stop her eyes from dropping to her legs, travelling up to her abs, chest, and returning to her face where she finds a knowing smirk on those lips. </p><p>Quinn grabs the sunscreen off the table. “Help me put some on, Rach?”</p><p>Rachel’s jaw drops. “You tease.”</p><p>Quinn simply winks, and Rachel pouts but gives in, moving to help her apply the lotion. </p><p>At this point, Rachel would do anything Quinn asks, and she wouldn’t have it any other way.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks so much for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it. Titles from Freedom! '90 by George Michael. Feel free to bother me on twitter and/or tumblr.</p>
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